Magazines are Brainwashing You to be Stupid

Ugh, magazines.

Never has there been a medium that more deserved the sweet death. Instead of covering the more specific failure of magazines, that they propagate bad body-images, I wanted to address the issue of what magazines offer the general public. I’m of the belief that magazines offer very little in the realm of positive qualities. They make you feel ugly, you read them on the toilet, and you really gain no deep intellectual understanding from their content. Consider every Cosmopolitan you’ve ever read. If pleasing your man is all that’s on your mind, I stand corrected, but what are the odds that you’re a vain sex-bot in search of your next master?

As I was carousing the Rite Aid magazine isle, I came across Men’s Journal. With a macho motorcycle on the front, I peeled back the cover in hope of finding the key that would unlock my inner man. Instead, I found this:
What other facet of the media is so insecure that it’s trying to justify itself? If magazines weren’t in danger, why would they feel the need to tell everyone that they’re growing? Does television run advertisements to let everyone know that television is important? Does the internet spam you pop-ups telling you how wonderful the internet is? Of course not. As you can see in the picture, “the appeal of magazines is growing.” I ask you, my blog readers, what is appealing about a magazine? Half of the pages are advertisements. A third of the pages are cheaply written quips that a child would find amusing. There is a song, a not-so-safe-for-work song, that has the lyrics, “read a book…read a book…read a…” I’d recommend that everyone choose the internet or novels for their entertainment or news needs, as I personally despise magazines. Even the texture of their pages Is offensive.